Dog Contract
I vow to thee my puppy
to watch over your babyhood,
feed and water you,
give you warmth in winter,
a cool place to pant in summer,
keep you in good health
with visits to the vet
and the dog groomers
and walk you daily.
I vow to keep you on the lead
where important for your safety,
not to let you scrounge peoples’ picnics
or to fight or mate in public places.
I vow that if you need me
I will be there, and if I am not
I will appoint a designated dog sitter.
You in return will not crap on the carpet, widdle in the hall
chew my newspapers, correspondence or books
nor in anyway destroy my furniture and belongings.
You will bark at strangers but like my friends.
You will never bare your teeth at me,
never bite
and you will kindly not fart.
You will refrain from being greedy so you don’t get fat.
You will guard our house and protect me from
creeps and robbers.
If some awful accident happens
I will remember that dogs’ lives are short
and that you are after all only a dog.
If something happens to me
I expect you to sit on my grave for a month
like Greyfriar’s Bobby
after which you can go to a good home.
Is that ok Doggie?
If you are agreed
then let us begin our lives together.
PS I will love you. I already do.
It would be good if you could love me back.
Finn Kim Levin Buy This at Allposters.com
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